"LOVING AND LEAVING"



Not all separations finish in anger
Some finish for other reasons
While there is still good feelings involved
These are the ones which generate conflicts within
It seems so incompatible to leave if there is still affection breathing...

It is a war of affection and disillusion
Wanting to keep and having to letting go
It is a war of values
So complex, so intricate
Very difficult battle to engage

Once in my life
I met two people, two worlds, two life stories
Both very skilled with words
Very powerful gift for captivating
Very, very charismatic figures ...

I've learned about and from them
I've learned to love them
I've learned to admire them
I've learned to care for them
I 've learned, above all, to believe them
So much was shared during the construction of friendship
So many thoughts
So deep emotions
So much learning
So rewarding ...

But I have learned that to believe blindly
Takes considerable risks in a relationship
I wanted to believe as an idealistic person does
Reciprocity in sincerity
I wanted to believe due to the love felt for them...

It is not about mistakes
As all of us make them
No question about it
All of us imperfect beings!

I talk about values
Incompatibility of values
This is something difficult to change
Sometimes even difficult to realize
In denial we live when so engaged emotionally...

It is true that as people are different
Give different meanings to different things
What may be important to one
May be purposeless to another
Perhaps that is what generates most of the conflicts
When we live in process of relating...

I wanted genuinely
To make these friendships work
If I could erase the conflicting part in them
To celebrate the uplifting moments would be so rewarding
There is nothing better than to cherish what makes us feel good

These two friends were very distinct ones
Very fond of me
Each and every day of the journey
On the path of my friendship with them
Was meaningful and had beauty
Laughs and ideas
Surprises and nonsenses
All celebrated with so much enthusiasm...

Wherever they are at this moment
I want them to know
What they gave me as a treasure will keep living within
They are disappointed with me
I am very aware of it
But
From my own initiative
I had to let go these friendships
Any choice would bring pain to both sides...

I have to be humble enough to accept
Whatever negative feeling they both have for me nowadays
I do accept and respect the way they may be feeling
As it was born from the decision I've made...

In my memory and heart they will always live
I don't think the feelings of affection for them will vanish ever
Both surely left a very significant legacy in my life
As women and human beings...

I do not regret to have invested in those friendships
Even if I knew the outcome would be this
Every single thing I gave from me to them was with willingness
The same way the things I got from them I embraced with unconditional acceptance

Once
I had to leave in spite of having affection...

Once
I had to say goodbye in spite of wanting to welcome...

Once
I had to admit in spite of denying ...

Once
I had to follow my path of values
Could not ignore them
If they are right or wrong
It depends of one's own perspective
The only thing I know is that
They are me, who I am
I cannot betray them
I cannot betray my essence
No matter if the heart speaks another language...
...

(Simone)

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