"CHILD'S ADULTHOOD..."


I am an adult at this age
I work all day
Yes, it is true that my body is small
My legs and arms are short
My coordination not that good
I have the fears of a child
But the responsability of an adult
People expect from me this mature attitude
I did not choose it
People chose in my place
My will is voiceless... 



I wonder what a real childood should look like...
Sometimes I see other kids with different "jobs"
They ride bicycles
Play with dolls
Run to wherever place they want
Those must be free "jobs"
Because nobody controls them
Interesting that while they "work" they are always smiling
In my kind of work nobody smiles
At least, I dont!
Why should I smile?
From what I know we dont smile when feel pain or are too tired
On the contrary, I cry...
Maybe, some thing is wrong with me!...
When I cry nobody sees
I have been punished when I did cry to the world outside
So, now I just cry inside
I am afraid of crying outside
Besides, nobody cares about my feelings
I dont even know if people know I have feelings...
Perhaps, I should tell them
But nothing what I have tried to say, no matter subject
Has been heard
In fact, in my work I should be quiet
Quiet and obedient
Complains?
Yes, I have many, but they are like my tears
Must be kept inside to not disturb anybody
 And myself of being beaten
It hurts just as the work I do!...


I did not know that work could be this hard
It is not any easy to break stones all day
It is not easy to carry heavy loads
The tools we have to use were not made for kids
In spite of being kids, "apparently"
We must know to use what the person who says
"Work is good to you", calls:
The big "toys"
Adults play with very big "toys"!


 But their hands are big, stronger
Their muscles do not get tired easily like mine
I should be stronger too
But it is hard to be stronger when my hands are so painful
They bleed sometimes
No matter how much I work
My muscles do not develop
I barely can see them
The bones I can see very easily
My skin is dry as the soil I work with
It is always dusty
In the summer days my body burns under the sunrays
There is no shadow around
I feel like an egg being fried
It is not the best of the feelings, at all!...


Some times I have to walk with chains around my ankle
The adults around me say that they dont want to lose me
Because I am an valuable labor
Maybe they care about me, they like me...
But the chains are really uncomfortable
They open deep wounds
That never heal
I wish my body had the power to feel nothing
This way I would be pain free
It would be so good!!!...
Without this intense pain all inside me
I would work with enthusiasm, who knows!...


Kids who "work" at schools every day
Say that they have homework
I wish I had a work like this too
They seem to like that kind of work
Besides, they can stay at home to do so
I have not even a real home
I have to stay where the adults keep the chains
In the corner of somewhere
Some nights are so cold
My bones almost break of so much shaking
Maybe if I had the appropriate clothes my bones would be quiet
And would sleep at the same time my mind wanted
But there is some other part in my body that never sleeps
My stomach
It complains day and night without any rest
It wants to have something to squeeze
But I cannot promise it
As food is not that easy to get
Food for me is a pretty rare "commodity"!
I wish my stomach was more comprehensive
Less stubborn
It does not understand when I say:
"Today I have nothing for you!'

But I think that what I dream the most
Is to have something people say brings a lot of smiles
And makes us feel stronger
Love
I dont know what love means
I wonder if it is possible to be found in stores
If it is, probably I will never have one for me
As everything in stores is so expensive
Even if the bargain is 99% off
It is still out of reach to me!
I wish I store owner could be in a nice mood
To give me even if it was leftovers of love
Does not matter ... it would be wonderful to have it, I guess!
Maybe, one day I get some love
Life is so unpredictable...
Maybe if I break more stones
Carry even heavier loads
I will be gifted with a coin
Money enough to make my dream come true
Buy a handful of  this love thing!...
Then I would have smiles for the first time in my life
And would be really a stronger person
That would be amazing!...
...
 (Simone)

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